A year ago – Monday – October 13, 2014 was rainy, stormy and down right nasty. I had planned to drive to Dallas to attend a concert. I had hotel reservations and had purchased a ticket via Ticket Master. Everything was ready to go yet everything was not.
I don’t know how many of you have experienced a feeling of dread, of certain disaster which is just over the horizon? I have from time to time and this date I certainly did. During the early morning hours I tossed and turned – could not sleep. The sounds of rain pounded the side of the house reminded me of foul weather. I checked the weather reports and rain was all but assured on my projected route to Dallas.
As daylight crept onto my home – I noted the puddles in my yard and I made a decision which lifted fear off of me the way a weight is removed. I knew I made the right decision. I would not go to Dallas.
I had a ticket bought and paid for – waiting for me at the venue. Thankfully it would be easy enough to transfer the ticket. My hotel room was non refundable so that was a loss. How would I find someone to purchase the ticket? I contacted an online fan who stated it was too far from the stage. Another already had her ticket but I would not allow a good ticket to go to waste.
The idea came to me as if on cue – call a golden oldies station. I checked online and called a radio station in Hughes Springs. A young man named Jordan answered. I explained why I called and asked if I could donate the ticket as I could not use it? Jordan’s immediate response was that of excitement. He wanted the ticket. He was thrilled. He did not think he would attend due to the high cost of tickets.
I transferred the ticket – relinquished my claim. Jordan needed only to appear in person at the arena and claim his prized entry. I was happy for him and for the opportunity to see Paul in concert but sad for me. Jordan promised to take photos which he would share. The rain continued but I had a sense of peace.
The next day I called the station and Jordan was over the moon. He enjoyed the show and promised to send the photos. A few days later he did so – photos of a far away stage – of a huge video screen which reflected the show – and reminded me of my own memories, of other concerts.
Fast forward 365 days – the weather is sunny and warm. The feelings of warning – which I felt so strongly – like a policeman’s warning to go no further deserted me on October 11, 2015. I did not properly close the door leading from the front room to the office. My dogs managed to enter the office and the result – I found my precious cat Topaz lifeless on the floor in the front room. She did not appear to be broken, bitten but she was still gone. I don’t know what happened? I only know my heart is broken. I only know the loss I feel is so deep – last year’s rain would not begin to reach its depths. Thankfully Munchkin – Topaz’s mom appears unharmed and oblivious to the sad and tragic scene which played out while I was gone.
A year ago my loss became someone else’s blessing. This year my loss is no blessing. It is a heavy burden which will grind me into the soil given half a chance. I am at a loss to understand why?