Being a solo has as many pit falls as say not being solo or so I have been told. When I hear this I want to put my hands over my ears. It is usually spoken by someone who is not alone and not facing a world as a solo.
Despite the fact there are more solos than ever we are still viewed as a cast away, something nobody wants. The garage sale item which did not sell or the kid who was never chosen for the team at school.
It is also true women are more often painted with an unfair brush than men. Women who are solos are the ones excluded from the party, the lunch date, the vacation. Men are viewed differently and it seems to be more accepted if they are alone.
I found this situation to be prevalent in the big city of Houston. I lived in an apartment complex which was loaded with solos. Many were transients, a few were family units. The party atmosphere was as common as the hope of prince charming riding up on his horse or motor cycle and rescuing the poor gal from her life of being a solo. Of those who did I would like to know how many found their prince truly charming or just a way out of a dreary life?
Single groups in churches offer options- although the ratio of men versus women never equal. I have been a member of several single groups in Houston and never really met the one, at least not to my knowledge. I had hoped I would have recognized him had I done so? The membership tended to ebb until a new crop of hopefuls arrived. This was before online dating so eHarmony and POF not a consideration at that time.
Perhaps the expectations were too Walt Disneyish? Probably? However the need to belong, to share, to be cherished is often a keen desire which is as much a part of our DNA as say our DNA.
True, there are folks who are happy to be on their own and prefer their own company but for the most part God made us to be sociable people. If that desire is not met it often creates problems which were unforeseen through the rose colored glasses so many of us possessed.
Society as a whole tends to write us off. I have been back in my hometown for over a dozen years and of those years I can count on one hand the number of times I have been invited to lunch following church. Families scatter, race from one pew to the line at the buffet. They do not invite the solo and that is also a fact. They would rather spend their lunch with their families, their circle of friends. One lady stated she would invite me the next time she went to a local eatery. Low and behold I happen to stop off one Sunday and who should be at the restaurant?? She shrugged her shoulders and informed me I could go to the restaurant any time. Yes right. However, I don’t want to go alone and although I do sup alone it is not always by choice.
And this goes for families who view the solo as an after thought. One friend has felt the sting of rejection by unthinking kin more than once. Social events are planned and the solo is not included. A week-end at the beach or a social event and meal to follow did not result in an invitation. The relatives had no explanation except they did not invite her and most likely don’t plan to do so. It is just a fact and a sorry one at that. The solo can either get use to it or harbor hopes that life, even at this late offering will toss a tid bit to her. It could happen? It does happen. Miracles are out there everyday.
Miracles are there everyday!!